I lost two pounds this week. I came down terribly sick and frankly did not have anyone getting me food, so I just didn't eat. Not the best way to lose weight, but I guess at least it worked. So far, I've had a long stint of keeping off the pounds, but not losing anymore. I guess I just need to keep getting sick. Last time I directed kid's choir at church I was sick every other week. Maybe I will look at that in a positive light as my weight loss plan...
So, I obviously haven't been on in a while and I obviously haven't been winning as I haven't lost any weight. I honestly haven't even been trying. The problem with a realistic, holistic diet is that is doesn't just include your diet. Your whole life is involved. I am finding out that the way I have my life set up is making it impossible to achieve my goals. The root problem is no longer the food, but rather the way I run my life.
I am slowly wrestling through these problems and hopefully will have more answers or at least clear posts soon. For today, all I have are big questions, possibly unanswerable questions. I don't know. But it's all I have.
- Is selfishness in proportion a bad thing or a good thing?
- Can you live your life well completely selfless (obviously Christ did, but can we?)
- What is my definition of selflessness. Can it possibly include being a doormat?
- At what point do you just give up.
- I let the people around me run me over constantly. How do I learn not to do that? What part of my response now is healthy boundaries and what part is spiteful, bitterness?
- How much longer can I do this? Is doing everything really the smartest idea? If not, how do I fix it?
And perhaps the saddest one in my mind, yet the one that got me thinking about all of the rest:
- Who takes care of me?
I am wishing today that I had somebody, anybody, who has been through this in their family. A counselor, a godly wife who serves too much, a woman who tries to be superwoman, someone.
The truth is that I am out of energy. I just can't do it. I spent yesterday in bed not really because I was sick, but rather because I couldn't face reality. If I can't handle life, how in the world can I handle a diet? And that is realistically and honestly where I'm at.
