One More Down!

I lost a pound!!! That just doesn't sound as exciting as it should. Nor does my weight loss ticker look encouraging. I've decided to change my diet start date. As my faithful readers know, I started messing around with this diet a few weeks before I started this blog. By the time I started writing, I had already lost 4 pounds and had hit that point where your body stops losing.

Since than, I have lost 1 pound!!! So really, I'm up to 5. Plus I would estimate 2-2.5 inches around the big places (Shame on me, I still haven't measured!). I decided to go ahead and change my weight ticker to the full total so it told the full story.

I'm still keeping on. Nothing exciting is happening. I am not winning huge battles. I still am not eating perfectly, just a little bit better than I was. I never win all of the battles, nor all of the ones I do completely.

I think that will come though. The important thing is that it has been over a month since I started playing with this idea and I am still keeping at it! I am not going to stop this quest for a healhier me. This is a lifestyle change. I just can't stop...I can't do that to my family.

I did see an encouraging article this week which of course I didn't put up and now can't find. It was about a woman who lost 100 lbs merely by making better choices and small goals. She only focused on 5 lbs at a time and did only what she honestly could. It is possible!

Up and Down

Besides busyness, I think dieting's next biggest enemy is lack of money. We have been extremely poor this month. It's one of those months where you choose which bills to pay and which to hold off until...someday. Sigh. As a result, we have been eating as cheaply as possible. Let's be honest, there is just nothing diet friendly about raman and frozen pizza.

My biggest success comes when I have lots of veggies as fillers. For instance, I'll have a main dish even of something as unhealthy as macaroni and cheese. But before I eat my mac, I eat a large serving of my favorite vegetable. Half-way through the mac I'm full. The food last longer, is higher quality, and I'm taking in fewer calories. However, when you can't afford veggies you end up with a side of carbs followed by a main dish of even unhealthier carbs!

As a result, I have seen my weight slowly creep back up. So discouraging! Out of necessity, I kind of gave up for a few days...ok week.

The last couple of days I finally decided to at least try to stop when I was full. I haven't been perfect, but apparently I'm making some progress. I got on the scale this morning and it looks like I've lost a pound or so! I will wait till tonight to decide if that is official. I've found that I'm exceptionally light in the mornings and bigger in the evenings. I tend to take the average of both and go by that. Or when I'm feeling defeated, I honestly take the heaviest weight.

This week in general:

4

Today after seeing my weight:

6

Big Fat Apathetic 4

Dieting is hard. It’s really only fun for the first day or so. I have hit the slump…big time! Busyness has kept me from writing this week. Self-pity for my busy weekend has cancelled out my conscience and accountability. I haven’t done my best this weekend. In fact, I’d give the last few days a big fat (pun intended and definitely descriptive)

4

I definitely lost more than I won. This is the time when I typically quit on my resolution. This is when you quietly disappear and hope no one remembers your brave words just a short time ago. This is when I come up with excuses.


However, this time is very different. For some reason, I have it settled in my heart that quitting is not an option. Not this month, this year, or any time in my life. I hope that sticks around. I hope I will keep on feeling determination even after a sad four of a weekend.


No, determination is not my problem. My problem is apathy. I have other things on my mind, other concerns and demands on my time that block out any desire to work at this. I don’t want to think about what the better choice would be. I don’t care about Scripture. I want to just forget my life while I eat, not think about my fullness level every bite. I know I need to keep taking this to the next level. I need to keep making better choices. Yet, right now I’m just doing the bare minimum to get by…and it’s hurting my progress. I have made no progress and in fact may have gained a pound this week.


I think it’s time to be done with the apathy. I honestly have no idea how to accomplish that. All I can do is pray to God for the strength and wisdom to not waste my time, but instead keep doing this WELL!


It’s Monday… Here’s to a better week!

Day Four

Today has been CRAZY! One of those days where you are scheduled to the gills. As a result, no Scripture and no exercise. Maybe I need to re-think my priorities as those are the last things I accomplish...?

I did do quite a bit of spiritual exercise though. I started out my insane day very, VERY stressed. I am working to choose not to let myself get stressed or mired down by a "bad" day. It was hard and took a lot of prayer and truth speaking to myself, but I did improve my attitude and let go of my stress as the day progressed. It ended wonderfully! I was very nervous about a new voice student (my last new student has been a disaster!). Oh yes, I teach voice lessons. She was amazing! Perfect age, perfect voice, perfect personality, perfect work-ability and she likes all the singers/songs that I like. Oh yeah! Good ending!

I did eat really well! Mostly because I didn't have time, but hey. I was able to turn down seconds of my favorite dish and only ate a tiny bit of my leftover amazing cheesecake, both without much of a thought. Hooray! This is starting to become habit! However, as I didn't intentionally win any battles today and left out the most important parts I still give this day a

6

Two Days in One!

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that right when I decide to start this big life change my world explodes! I am pretty sure I couldn't cram another meeting, activity, chore or breath into this week. I am about out of my mind with busyness. Thankfully, I'm not completely out of my mind yet (although my eye does twitch 5 beats per second). I have been doing a fairly good job at keeping my diet.

Exercise: Has not happened, but I have been cleaning and running around like a mad woman so...

Scripture: Ha. Definitely not happening. Time for myself? Not possible this week. Sigh.

Poundage: Haven't lost a single pound! However, I am keeping my pre-diet loss off so that's something. I went out to Cheesecake Factory with girlfriends to celebrate birthdays and had to dig through my closet to find something dressy. I was encouraged that several of my outfits are starting to fit again and the ones that still don't are at least getting closer. I may not have lost pounds, but my post-baby middle is shrinking! That was very encouraging.

Eating: I haven't eaten anything good this week between the Cheesecake Factory and being busy. I'm lucky to just be eating at this point. However, I have been really good with my portions! I haven't stuffed myself once and have successfully said no to bigger, second, or late night portions.

Day 2 & 3 Rating:

6

Here We Go!

First official day! I have to admit, I feel kind of like I cheated. I have been following my diet principals for the last three weeks. I kind of fell off the wagon while my son was sick and then decided on this blog so I decided I would start over and have an new official date. July 12, 2011 starts my journey.

Here's some things I've noticed from my soft opening in the last few weeks:

1. It's hard to remember to notice when you get full while you're eating. I often sit down to a meal and the next thing I know, I've cleaned my plate and I realize that I passed that point and then some without noticing. I have been getting better at this, but it took a good week to get the hang of.

2. My desire to snack hits me especially at night. We have a tendancy to stay up rather late every night. By the time 9-10 rolls around, dinner is a thing of the distant past! If my stomach is actually rumbling I sometimes give in and have a small snack. However, 95% of the time I am just peckish. These are the times that the temptation hits me the worst. The good news is that I won that battle last night! Hooray!

3. So far I have lost 3 pounds on the pre-diet enabling me to set my goal at an even lower weight for this blog. According to the blog I've actually lost 0 becuase I'm not counting my starting weight till today.

Daily Report:
I feel like I did pretty good yesterday. I didn't pay attention at breakfast, but only went a few bites over my full line. I ate a small lunch mostly because it was all that I brought, but I managed to be ok with it all afternoon. Dinner didn't happen until I was very hungry so I ate a little more than I should. However, I still kept it to a fairly reasonable portion. I had an intense battle after dinner to eat more. I had one Dove dark chocolate and was able to keep it to that! What a victory for me!

I have decided to rate each day's success as a more concrete, concise way to show progress. I'm going to rate my days from 0-10. A completely victorious day will be 10 and completely unsuccessful will be 0. A day where my wins and losses are even will be 5. Here we go!!!

Yesterday's rating:

7

Eternal Chocolate Cake

The second (see previous post) was a verse that really stuck out to me. In answer to Satan's tempting request for Jesus to curb his starvation by turning stones into bread (which He could indeed have done), Jesus said, "Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." (Matthew 4:4)

What do you live for? I live for food. Sometimes I vary it by living for fun times or things, but my biggest joy in life is food.

The problem is that food will only sustain me for a little while. Even if I had a magic table that would feed me whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted without any weight gain, I would not be alive. I would be a slave to that table. I would never let it out of my sight. I would probably kill for that table, sell my soul to keep that table. That is a living death.

No, the only thing that sustains life in me in this sinful, dark world is God. The best way to know and experience Him is through His Word, the Bible.

This is such a good reminder for me. When I go to put that extra bite of Annie's mac and cheese in my mouth, I need to have an eternal perspective. I need to see that mac and cheese for what it is. A momentary sensation that I will just poop out.

I hope that someday, every time I put food in my mouth I will be reminded of more important food I need insert. The food of Scripture. I hope that I will always remember to eat my eternal vegetables.
The neat thing is the more that I do it, the more I will realize that they aren't eternal veggies after all...they're the most moist, chocolately, delicious eternal cake!

Waiting...waiting...waiting...GONE!

So much of dieting is focused around forbidding, getting rid of, never again. Do those words ever work for you? For me, that is kind of like creating a big red button I cannot help but push. Those words communicate despair, flagellation, defeat. Jesus was and will never be about those things.

I did something I rarely do today. I listened to sermons online. To be honest, the only reason I did was because the sermon series this summer is very pertinent to my weight struggle. I missed a few weeks and had a quiet convenient moment at work so... I am sooo glad I did!

My wonderful, godly pastor shared this Sunday about the warnings in the Bible against instant gratification. You can listen to his sermond here if you're interested: WAIT Management by Pastor Tom Hovestahl.

Two things struck me. First, often we think of dieting in the negative. Chocolate cake gives us love handles. We don't like love handles. Therefore, we decide that we cannot have chocolate cake EVER again! You know what happens on day 11 (for me day 2)? Cake for breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, and dinner...snack. Give me someone who is successful with this diet mindset and I'll punch them in the nose!

The thing is, God gave us the ingredients and capabilities and tastebuds to enjoy that cake. The problem is not the cake, but the fact that we cannot eat it in moderation. We cannot wait for our weekly special treat. The good things God has given us are better waited for. After all, the wait is half the fun.

I notice this especially with music. There is often one special catchy song on the radio that I really must own. I cannot get enough of it! I am constantly flipping channels in an effort not to miss it. Finally, I buy that song. You know what I do? I listen to it over and over and over. The next thing I know, the magic is gone. The song is boring. It becomes that reject song on my ipod. The song I skip quickly past with a sigh on shuffle.

This is not just true for silly things like a pop song or cake. Lack of self-control can ruin the brightest gifts from God.

 Maybe I need to change my perspective. Instead of depriving myself, the truth is I am waiting. I am waiting till the right, God-appointed time to enjoy my cake when I can enjoy it in good conscience, wisely.

There is nothing I hate more than RUNNING!

As part of our exercise plan, my husband and I have been trying to start running. Running is a proven way to lose weight fast. It just works. Plus, it's cheap. We can't quite afford a gym membership yet, so...running it is.


We are following a workout plan I found online that made sense and fit our life. The plan is based on working into running for 30 minutes. You start by walking 30 minutes. When you can do that comfortably, you start running for 1 minute out of every 5 for 30 minutes. Than you try to run for 2 out of 5 minutes, etc. until you're running for all 30 minute.


We have changed it in that we like walking for an hour. We have been trying to walk for 60 minutes at least 4 days a week. We were doing really well, and then it got hot. Let's be honest, it's just not realistic to walk outside for an hour with a baby in 90+ degree weather. So we have let it slide recently so our progress has been slow.


However, yesterday we were finally ready to add in our minute of running! I was really excited to be making progress. We did our typical hour long route, but ran for 1 minute 6 times (only planning on running 30 minutes of that hour for now). My husband loved it! He was in heaven pushing his body to the next level and beating it into compliance.


I was miserable!!! I really hate running. I've known this for years, but this was a good reminder. There is nothing on this planet that I hate doing more than running! I hate every minute,no, every second of it!


I've heard all about the runner's high and how you need to just keep trying and eventually you'll start liking it. I did all of that. I faithfully ran for four months in college when I was already in shape and I learned one important thing.


That stuff is crap!


Running is just terrible and I'm convinced it will always be. I HATE IT!


We're going to keep trying though. Sigh. If we start consistently running for 30 minutes and I learn to like it, I will eat my words. Until then...deep seated hatred...

Bumps Happen

First big bump in the road happened before I officially started. I'll admit, I've been following my dieting principals for a couple of weeks while I get my blog up and running. I have lost a few pounds, but this is more of a trial run to get into the habit while I get ready for the big event. I was supposed to start the big event this weekend. And then...


BUMP!


My son got really sick. When you are just trying to survive a sick, not-sleeping infant, you really don't have time for yourself. I think it's only natural and realistic to expect your diet plan to pretty much go out the window when things like this happen.


Although, I must admit the plan didn't just not happen... A large rebellion was staged in my house against anything resembling dieting! There were several meals where I was upset over how sick my baby was and I chose to eat to fill that ache in my heart. I gorged myself...on purpose...in complete rebellion...several times.


Sigh. Oh well, back to the drawing board.


The thing is, a successful diet is not a perfect diet. It's a diet that keeps going after you make your mistakes. It's the diet that loses, but keeps trying to win. It's the diet you don't give up on. It's when you don't give up until you're winning more than you lose.


I am still recovering from a weekend of sickness, but very shortly I will get my weight loss statistics up and officially start.

The Plan

Dieting is a complicated process! Choosing to diet is a small part of the battle. The hard part comes when you try to decide on the method. There are a million and one diet programs out there. If you don’t choose the right diet, the odds of success get even lower. If you’re like me, you have trouble even starting your diet because you’re too busy researching how.

After many failed attempts using popular diet programs, I have yet to find one that works. The thing is, yes they all work if you follow every detail, but not every detail is reasonable for me. Often they're too big of a life change to successfully jump into cold turkey. So I’ve decided to take a more eclectic and holistic approach. Here’s what I need in a diet:

1.       The biggest reason I make the wrong choices with food is that I am trying to fill a need or desire in my heart with the joy of food or the fear of lack of food. Instead, I need to fill that with the only thing that will keep it full…God. I need to continually work at my relationship with Him. I need to daily seek His encouragement as this fight is too big for me alone. I need His help.  

2.       I need to be able to eat and not go hungry. I struggle with hypoglycemia so going hungry or not receiving enough calories makes me dizzy, confused, irritable and sick to my stomach. I need to be all there for my family, not a skinny mess.

3.       I need to limit my portions. Let’s face it, Americans eat a TON! We eat until we cannot eat any more stretching our stomachs to take in more and more. That’s me! I will be using the principals for eating within your caloric needs in the Weigh Down Diet using your body as a guide rather than some generic points system.

4.       I need to eat healthier options. Not only do I need to have a smaller body, I also need a healthier one. If I’m going to demand that my kids eat their fruits and veggies, I need to be prepared to do the same. I need to constantly be on the lookout for ways that I can make better choices.

Covered everything? I think so. The problem is, only superwoman can keep this diet. So I also need to be realistic. I refuse to set unbending rules for myself as I know there’s no way I’ll keep them. Instead, I’d like to set up goals. Every chance that I get to make a choice, I need to choose what is best according to the following goals for every day:

1.       Read Scripture every day. Not just read with a blank mind, but truly study and internalize what I am reading.

2.       Ask God daily for help and let Him be a part of the process.

3.       Eat only when I am truly hungry, not just peckish.

4.       Make sure to stop and eat when I am hungry so I do not splurge later out of desperation.

5.       Eat every meal slowly, savoring and enjoying.

6.       Stop eating the minute I become satisfied, not full.

7.       Choose good food.

8.       Be on top of my budget, menus, and grocery buying to insure that I have the food I need and the  money it takes to buy it.

9.       Exercise at least 4 days a week always working towards more.

I will do my best every day, every meal, every hungry thought to meet these goals. Being fat is a choice. Being unhealthy is a choice. I choose to start making the right choices.

The biggest part of this diet is that it is not just for a time period…this diet is for the rest of my life!

I will begin working towards these goals today. I do not expect to get it perfect at first or to even meet all of these goals, but this will be a lifestyle change, a process, a new beginning.

This journal will follow how I lost my weight, however if I ever do meet my weight loss goal it sure will not end there.

The Bug

It is time!!! It’s not unusual to wish to start a diet or lose pounds or start new good habits. However, every now and then someone gets the bug. That bug that motivates you and makes quitting impossible. It comes when you reach that point of finally being tired of being tired of being tired of feeling fat, ugly, unproductive, unspiritual, un-put together, un-whatever you feel like you’re failing at in life. I’ve hit that point. Here’s my story.

I am 27 years old, have been married to a wonderful man 4 years, and have an 8 month old son. I was one of those lucky few who never struggled with their weight. I could eat anything and I had a smoking hot, slim body. Until I got married… Living with a very picky man who eats mainly junk on top of an aging metabolism created some love handles. Over time those love handles grew. Then I got pregnant. I had to eat constantly to feed my constantly hungry and constantly morning sick tummy. Those love handles turned into full body love handles. Now I am at least 33 pounds overweight.

I have done nothing about it the last 8 months. I have many excuses. It is hard getting used to having a new baby! I work a lot (4 jobs to be exact) and it’s hard to find time to take care of myself. I have a picky husband and who has time to cook two meals? I don’t have the money for good food. Shouldn’t I just wait and the 9 months on, 9 months off rule will naturally happen?

I tried a few things. Yet instead of losing weight, I started gaining my baby weight back! It bothered me that I can never feel sexy or beautiful for my husband, that I can’t fit into any of my clothes, that clothes shopping is a nightmare because nothing fits over my big belly, that I can’t cover up my bulges, how I don’t have the energy for my son. Finally, at a routine doctor’s visit I found myself waiting on the doctor for 30 minutes (as is annoyingly typical). Out of panicky boredom I started reading the boring educational materials. There was a chart on the wall showing weight gain classifications. I found the column with my height, then found the column with my weight, I followed it over and…I was only a two pounds away from being labeled obese! I knew I was technically overweight, but obese?!?!

I know about obesity. I grew up in a family with a mother that struggled with obesity. The thing is, once you become obese it’s almost impossible to get that weight off. When you’re obese health problems keep popping up faster than you can medicate them. When you’re obese it's hard to swing at the park, go on rollercoasters, fly in an airplane, or play with your kids. I know how hard it was on my mother. She was never the type that just eats a whole tub of ice cream for breakfast. She has a disease and the pounds just slowly added up over the years. She just lost the battle more than she won it.

I swore long ago I would never let myself get to that point. I never honestly thought I would struggle with this. Yet, here I am 2 pounds away from joining my mother's struggle. That’s it! I’m fed up with all of it. I have the bug…

Would you like to hear what I’m going to do about it? Stayed tuned!