I have had some good successes lately. I am 6 pounds lighter, I felt pretty good the last time I was in a dressing room, I feel pretty for the first time in months, and I've been feeling like my friends and husband have noticed as well.
I've been on a loser's high. I feel like people view me differently. I feel more confident. I feel like some problems I have had in my marriage and life were getting fixed just by those little changes. In fact, I started believing that my small weight change and few extra clothes in my closet had solved a lot of my problems. Everything was wonderful and rosy again.
So it was a shock on many levels when the same old problems smacked me in the face last night. I knew that some issues in my life were not actually attributed to my weight gain. Yet, in that moment I realized I had started believing that terrible whisper in my head and thinking that since my body was changing, my life would follow suit.
I was putting my trust in weight loss to fix my problems.
The thing about a diet is that it really only fixes one problem...what the scale says. How many people have you seen get down to a model thin weight and still not be happy with themselves? What about the ones who were fat and dysfunctional that just become skinny and more dysfunctional?
I think this was a good reality check. Sure, feeling prettier is great! However, the scale isn't really what changed my looks. One pound is hardly visible. It was how I felt about myself.
I'd best not hinge how I feel about myself on my scale's judgement. I'd best not expect my marriage to be all new once I feel prettier. I'd best not trust in my self-discipline to sustain me through this process. I'd best not get caught up in how my body looks compared to the desired norm. I'd best not look to my loved ones for affirmation.
I think I'd better just trust God...period.
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